invocation | ✝ic inbox.

[ And Sayaka... buys it completely. She'd have doubts hearing it from most other people, but there's nothing new about this kind of thing coming from Kyouko. ]

Already? Geez, how did you even manage that? [ No, nevermind; she knows the answer to that one already. ] I don't mind helping out this once, but...

[ Well, this is a little more sensitive. She hesitates for a moment. ]

If you really went home... [ Honestly, she wants to know everything, but she also knows Kyouko isn't the kind to be forthcoming with information; nor might she know the things Sayaka would ask about. In the end, she settles on the most important thing, even if the guilt means she has to glance away when she asks. ] Is Madoka okay?

[ She could care less about herself, but her last memories of her best friend aren't exactly pleasant. ]

[...It's like Sayaka, to be worried about other people before herself, and while Kyouko is relieved the questioning hasn't gone down a path she doesn't feel comfortable with, she's bothered by this as well. Not annoyed, exactly. Disturbed is a good way to put it.]

She's fine. [There's a pause between answering this, and she hopes it's not long enough to be suspicious.] She was safe the last time I saw her.

[As far as she knows, Homura safely got Madoka out of the barrier...and that makes her feel guilty too, that she'd put someone else in that sort of danger.]

[ The relief is almost tangible. Sayaka slumps instantly, doing her best not to fall in a heap from both the overwhelming guilt that she even had to ask in the first place, and the confirmation of Madoka's safety. It's not perfect, but it's something, and she trusts Kyouko enough to have faith in it. ]

Okay... okay. [ It takes her a while to speak again - she wipes her eyes with one hand, and when she looks up again it's with a sad, tiny smile. ] That's all I needed to know. We can go wherever you want now.

[ This time, at least, she's far too distracted to pick up on any of the signs that something isn't right here. ]

[Kyouko can't really look at Sayaka for too long, because she knows that this relief is a brief thing, that it won't last if she gets sent home too. The way she's smiling...it's terrible, and it hurts a little, in some strange and confusing way. She has the urge to do something...put a hand on Sayaka's shoulder maybe, try to offer some comfort.

She looks off at something in the distance instead, and begins to walk.] ...Yeah. Okay. She's all right here too, right? Haven't seen her.

[ Her smile fades as they walk, replaced by a more unreadable expression. She's still trying to work out when Madoka contracted in the middle of all of this, and so Kyouko's question takes her by surprise. ]

She's fine. [ The response is still instant, because if there's one thing Sayaka knows in this whole place it's whether Madoka is safe or not. ] Nothing happened while you were gone, but it wouldn't matter.

[ She'd be dead long before letting anything get through her, not standing here talking about it. She pauses again, here, before deciding it's worth asking about. ]

How'd you get sent back home, anyway? Did you ask them to do it? [ For all her talk about wanting to stay here and help, it's clear she still has some unanswered questions about what's waiting back in Mitakihara. ]

I don't know. [She frowns, bothered at the question and bothered at the idea of being sent home again, at random. There was nothing to go back to now, and there was no way she would've asked them to send her back there anyway. Not at first, anyway...but it hardly mattered now.]

I didn't ask them; they just sent me. When I got back they said it was just something that happened sometimes.

[A shrug, an attempt to play things casual.]

So that's it, huh... [ She sighs, sounding resigned. ] I figured since you came back, I could go home for a while and still help out here. I guess it doesn't really matter.

[ There's nothing particularly nice waiting for her back home, even if she's unaware of the full extent, but that's not the important part. The important part is going back and helping in her own broken way, because that's what she promised to do. ]

Thanks, though. You didn't have to explain all that stuff to me. [ After all, they're not... well, Sayaka isn't sure what they are, anymore, but she appreciates it regardless. ]

[There's the beginning of a protest rising in Kyouko's throat, a strangled sound that almost comes out as No. Because Sayaka can't go home, not now and not ever.

The protest is swallowed and settles like a heavy stone in Kyouko's chest. She's quiet for a little longer than necessary, and then eventually mutters a response.] Yeah.

[She decides she does not want to talk about home anymore.] Anything happen when I was gone?

[ The silence is what gets Sayaka's attention, and she turns to look at Kyouko properly. There's a vague feeling of unease that even she can pick up on, but it's still easy enough to explain things away in her mind, and so she shrugs. ]

... Not really. [ Things had felt... different, without Kyouko around, but that's not exactly something she can explain. ] There haven't been any more attacks, or anything. Things have been kinda normal.

[ After a moment, she laughs; bitter and under her breath. The fact she can even call this normal goes to show how things have changed. ]

It won't last, though. I bet they're planning something else. [ But she sounds strangely glad about the idea - it'll be a chance to feel like she's actually accomplishing something, instead of waiting uselessly. ]

Figures. It's so damn boring in this place when they're not sending us somewhere. [Or dropping bombs.

She keeps a wary eye on Sayaka's expression, the words she's saying, and frowns, trying to figure out a way to change the subject without making things worse.] Eh, but it's not too bad. I'd rather have this than being underground again.

Of course. Everyone's safe when it's like this, right?

[ But safe is relative, when the world around you can come crumbling down at any moment. She shrugs, realizing the conversation has turned a little dark, but unwilling to change it. ]

I don't want anything to happen to these people, but I don't wanna just sit around, either. We're not here for that. [ They're not here to be useless. ] The sooner we help everyone here, the sooner we can go back.

[Kyouko's shoulders hunch. She picks up her pace a little, and adjust her expression into something a little less deeply troubled and a little more annoyed.

She waves a hand.] You worry too much about that stuff. If thing's are peaceful, it might mean everything's getting better for these people. The Initiative doesn't even know what they're doing. You really trust them not to screw things up worse? Waiting might be better.

You don't have to listen, you know. I'm not asking for your help. [ She looks away, apparently tired of arguing about the idea. ] I just don't like waiting.

[ Not when there's so much left to do — she has to help the people here, finish this new war so she can get back home to the one she left behind. Just letting things happen might be easier, but it's also selfish to sit back to wait while she could be doing something. ]

[Kyouko senses that this is a conversation in which she will have to be careful. So her tone softens in subtle ways, and she decides to do something she had not bothered to do before: instead of lecturing, she asks questions.]

Why d'you think you're useless if you're not fighting anything, anyway? You always act like that.

[ Kyouko asking questions might be new, but this one has a simple enough answer. Sayaka laughs dully; considers leaving it at that — why did this even need an explanation? — before continuing a moment later. ]

Because it's true, isn't it? We're not good for anything else.

[ Witches, monsters... they're all the same. Put anything that's a threat in front of her, and she'll tear it down. ]

[Sayaka is wrong.

She doesn't know how to convey it, exactly, or what to say right this instant, but she's wrong. What a miserable existence she's laying out for them...that's the reality of it, of course, but it was only one small part of a greater thing. She knew that, on some level...but how to say it?

It's a sad way to think, a pitiful way. The ring on Kyouko's hand glows, and her Soul Gem forms. It's bright, as always. Untarnished by grief, or despair.]

If you think that way, you're not gonna survive.

[It's said quietly, and reluctantly. Caring about other people didn't mean you had to abandon yourself.]

That's okay. [ Or so she's convinced herself. Her own Soul Gem forms, and she gives it a strange, detached kind of look. ] The world doesn't need a magical girl who can't even do her job.

[ They're already dead, after all. Living on borrowed time. The only way she can justify her existence is if it's being used to prolong that of others. ]

[Kyouko dimly wonders if this is what it feels like to watch someone die. Sayaka's alive, in the physical sense, or animated, anyway, kept breathing and moving by the Soul Gem, but with the way she's talking...she might as well be dead.

What was the point of even living, if that was the way you thought? Burning yourself out for other people who didn't even care about you, wouldn't give a damn if you lived or died, didn't even bother to remember your name. She has an odd feeling of weightlessness, of the ground sweeping out from under her feet. It makes her feel helpless, and she hates that feeling most of all. How was she supposed to fix this, she wonders...to keep the same things from repeating themselves, over and over again? It's like staring at someone bleeding out and not being able to stop the blood flow. Just holding their hand, making them comfortable before they got cold and the light faded from their eyes.

Hidden from Sayaka's view, Kyouko's mouth twists in pain. She wasn't going to cry, hadn't cried in years. But it's hard to listen to this and pretend everything was normal, that this was the right way to think.]

...

I changed my mind. [She sounds tired.] I'm gonna go find the kid. She's probably got free food anyway. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone.

[ A few months ago, Kyouko going near Madoka would have been cause for a fight. But Sayaka trusts her with this much now (which is a feat, in all honesty), and so she just shrugs; the movement jerky and unnatural.

Dimly, she's aware of the problem. That what she's doing is unhealthy, and far beyond what most people would be prepared to do. But Mami had done it — Mami had given her life for the cause, had died without ever once putting herself first, and if someone so perfect had to suffer...

A person like her has no right to complain. ]

Yeah.

[ No elaboration, no real promise. The ring on her finger reforms, and she walks away without looking back. ]

✝ic inbox.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject