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[Kyouko can't really look at Sayaka for too long, because she knows that this relief is a brief thing, that it won't last if she gets sent home too. The way she's smiling...it's terrible, and it hurts a little, in some strange and confusing way. She has the urge to do something...put a hand on Sayaka's shoulder maybe, try to offer some comfort.

She looks off at something in the distance instead, and begins to walk.] ...Yeah. Okay. She's all right here too, right? Haven't seen her.

[ Her smile fades as they walk, replaced by a more unreadable expression. She's still trying to work out when Madoka contracted in the middle of all of this, and so Kyouko's question takes her by surprise. ]

She's fine. [ The response is still instant, because if there's one thing Sayaka knows in this whole place it's whether Madoka is safe or not. ] Nothing happened while you were gone, but it wouldn't matter.

[ She'd be dead long before letting anything get through her, not standing here talking about it. She pauses again, here, before deciding it's worth asking about. ]

How'd you get sent back home, anyway? Did you ask them to do it? [ For all her talk about wanting to stay here and help, it's clear she still has some unanswered questions about what's waiting back in Mitakihara. ]

I don't know. [She frowns, bothered at the question and bothered at the idea of being sent home again, at random. There was nothing to go back to now, and there was no way she would've asked them to send her back there anyway. Not at first, anyway...but it hardly mattered now.]

I didn't ask them; they just sent me. When I got back they said it was just something that happened sometimes.

[A shrug, an attempt to play things casual.]

So that's it, huh... [ She sighs, sounding resigned. ] I figured since you came back, I could go home for a while and still help out here. I guess it doesn't really matter.

[ There's nothing particularly nice waiting for her back home, even if she's unaware of the full extent, but that's not the important part. The important part is going back and helping in her own broken way, because that's what she promised to do. ]

Thanks, though. You didn't have to explain all that stuff to me. [ After all, they're not... well, Sayaka isn't sure what they are, anymore, but she appreciates it regardless. ]

( there is pause as Kyouko enters her room, Madoka just taking the moment to watch and see if she might be able to figure out just what was amiss.

Kyouko's voice breaks her concentration and for a moment, she stares confused before the words catch up to her and she nods. sitting on her bedside table is a small basket, full of small cookies and cupcakes that she sets between them as Madoka takes a seat on the floor across from her friend.

it only takes a moment before her usual smile returns. )

I hope they're okay.

[There's the beginning of a protest rising in Kyouko's throat, a strangled sound that almost comes out as No. Because Sayaka can't go home, not now and not ever.

The protest is swallowed and settles like a heavy stone in Kyouko's chest. She's quiet for a little longer than necessary, and then eventually mutters a response.] Yeah.

[She decides she does not want to talk about home anymore.] Anything happen when I was gone?

[Kyouko stuffs a cookie in her mouth without looking, then grabs a cupcake and peels away the liner before downing that too. There's a moment that's just a lot of loud, inelegant chewing. Finally:]

Your food's always good.

[ The silence is what gets Sayaka's attention, and she turns to look at Kyouko properly. There's a vague feeling of unease that even she can pick up on, but it's still easy enough to explain things away in her mind, and so she shrugs. ]

... Not really. [ Things had felt... different, without Kyouko around, but that's not exactly something she can explain. ] There haven't been any more attacks, or anything. Things have been kinda normal.

[ After a moment, she laughs; bitter and under her breath. The fact she can even call this normal goes to show how things have changed. ]

It won't last, though. I bet they're planning something else. [ But she sounds strangely glad about the idea - it'll be a chance to feel like she's actually accomplishing something, instead of waiting uselessly. ]

( although the topic of their talk today is worrying, she is glad for some normalcy right now to help cover all of that worry. )

Thank you, I'll invite you over when I make dinner again. I've gotten a lot better since we arrived.

Mm.

[Chewing, chewing...she shifts back into her loud eating for a while, working out what she wants to say.

Finally:]

I went back for a little while.

[She studies the little basket of sweets rather than Madoka's face.] I couldn't figure it out when I got back here, 'cause you're contracted, but when I went home...so, I guess that you gotta be from after everything happened.

[Chomp chomp chomp.]

Edited 2012-12-15 01:27 (UTC)

Figures. It's so damn boring in this place when they're not sending us somewhere. [Or dropping bombs.

She keeps a wary eye on Sayaka's expression, the words she's saying, and frowns, trying to figure out a way to change the subject without making things worse.] Eh, but it's not too bad. I'd rather have this than being underground again.

( she shifts where she sits on her knees, picking idly at the hem of her skirt for a sense of comfort in the time she waits. when it does finally come, Madoka finds herself at a lose for words.

a moment passes, then another before she finally manages to work out her own words. )

Mm, it was after everything... after Sayaka-chan and you... ( even now it's hard to say, even now months and months later. so she takes a breath and tries again: ) It was when Walpurgisnacht came.

Of course. Everyone's safe when it's like this, right?

[ But safe is relative, when the world around you can come crumbling down at any moment. She shrugs, realizing the conversation has turned a little dark, but unwilling to change it. ]

I don't want anything to happen to these people, but I don't wanna just sit around, either. We're not here for that. [ They're not here to be useless. ] The sooner we help everyone here, the sooner we can go back.

[Kyouko crumples the little cupcake wrappers and frowns, more to herself than Madoka.

Walpurgisnacht. She'd agreed to fight that witch with Homura, and then...then Sayaka had changed, and there was nothing to do but to try to help her. It had been the only thing that mattered.] Even after all that, you contracted? What for? You should've stayed out of it like I told you.

I remember you told me that one day, I might have to fight and put my life on the line. After everything that happened, I... ( unlike before, it's a little easier for Madoka to speak now and she allows herself to look straight at Kyouko before continuing. )

I finally found a wish worth giving this life to see granted. Something I could do and never regret.

[ KYOUKO SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL TO GET YOU, but she's on a stuffed animal roll so this will be left outside her door at some stupid hour. Between the front paws is a box with some cookies in it, and while they don't look fantastic by any means they at least appear edible. She tried! ]

[Kyouko's shoulders hunch. She picks up her pace a little, and adjust her expression into something a little less deeply troubled and a little more annoyed.

She waves a hand.] You worry too much about that stuff. If thing's are peaceful, it might mean everything's getting better for these people. The Initiative doesn't even know what they're doing. You really trust them not to screw things up worse? Waiting might be better.

[Kyouko's hardly ever in her room, but on Christmas she stops by, presumably to sleep...for once, and happens upon the little stuffed animal. She immediately thinks it's Madoka. She picks up the toy with a surprising amount of tenderness, and unwraps the box of cookies.]

Huh? [Damn, these things look jacked. Madoka was not on her A-game today.] She usually makes 'em look better...

[Well. Maybe she had been tired making a million cookies for people or feeding orphans or whatever it was really nice people like Madoka did on Christmas. They probably taste just as good, right?

She takes a big bite of one, and makes a face.] Ugh...who made these things? It couldn't have been Madoka.

[Eating them anyway. Once she gets past the burnt parts, they're at least passable.]

[...Yeah, she had said that, hadn't she. Kyouko meets Madoka's gaze, and she doesn't look angry, for once. Maybe curious, and annoyed, and if it was anyone other than Kyouko, perhaps a little sad. Madoka was a good person, like Sayaka. She wasn't hardened like Mami, or cold and distant like Homura, and she certainly wasn't like Kyouko herself, who had thrown away her soul and lost her family.

The life of a Puella Magi didn't fit someone like Madoka.]

...

What was it? What did you wish for?

You don't have to listen, you know. I'm not asking for your help. [ She looks away, apparently tired of arguing about the idea. ] I just don't like waiting.

[ Not when there's so much left to do — she has to help the people here, finish this new war so she can get back home to the one she left behind. Just letting things happen might be easier, but it's also selfish to sit back to wait while she could be doing something. ]

[Kyouko senses that this is a conversation in which she will have to be careful. So her tone softens in subtle ways, and she decides to do something she had not bothered to do before: instead of lecturing, she asks questions.]

Why d'you think you're useless if you're not fighting anything, anyway? You always act like that.

[ Kyouko asking questions might be new, but this one has a simple enough answer. Sayaka laughs dully; considers leaving it at that — why did this even need an explanation? — before continuing a moment later. ]

Because it's true, isn't it? We're not good for anything else.

[ Witches, monsters... they're all the same. Put anything that's a threat in front of her, and she'll tear it down. ]

[Sayaka is wrong.

She doesn't know how to convey it, exactly, or what to say right this instant, but she's wrong. What a miserable existence she's laying out for them...that's the reality of it, of course, but it was only one small part of a greater thing. She knew that, on some level...but how to say it?

It's a sad way to think, a pitiful way. The ring on Kyouko's hand glows, and her Soul Gem forms. It's bright, as always. Untarnished by grief, or despair.]

If you think that way, you're not gonna survive.

[It's said quietly, and reluctantly. Caring about other people didn't mean you had to abandon yourself.]

That's okay. [ Or so she's convinced herself. Her own Soul Gem forms, and she gives it a strange, detached kind of look. ] The world doesn't need a magical girl who can't even do her job.

[ They're already dead, after all. Living on borrowed time. The only way she can justify her existence is if it's being used to prolong that of others. ]

[Kyouko dimly wonders if this is what it feels like to watch someone die. Sayaka's alive, in the physical sense, or animated, anyway, kept breathing and moving by the Soul Gem, but with the way she's talking...she might as well be dead.

What was the point of even living, if that was the way you thought? Burning yourself out for other people who didn't even care about you, wouldn't give a damn if you lived or died, didn't even bother to remember your name. She has an odd feeling of weightlessness, of the ground sweeping out from under her feet. It makes her feel helpless, and she hates that feeling most of all. How was she supposed to fix this, she wonders...to keep the same things from repeating themselves, over and over again? It's like staring at someone bleeding out and not being able to stop the blood flow. Just holding their hand, making them comfortable before they got cold and the light faded from their eyes.

Hidden from Sayaka's view, Kyouko's mouth twists in pain. She wasn't going to cry, hadn't cried in years. But it's hard to listen to this and pretend everything was normal, that this was the right way to think.]

...

I changed my mind. [She sounds tired.] I'm gonna go find the kid. She's probably got free food anyway. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone.

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